as if nothing matters

not much has happened. it's like, going through life in slow motion, but everything that you do is in full speed. hale's class is completely draining me of my senses. i don't see why she keeps asking about what we want to do when we grow up. but what i do want to be is something nobody could think i could do, and it isn't possible. i'd just like reality to be in my favor.
friday was pretty good. haley came over, ate all my food...the usual. the dance was pretty crazy i guess...the paint was awesome and the music had some great beats. but all the freaky dancing was a bit .........................much.
jebus people. what next?

shut the eff up

today, i've learned that i'm sick of trying to fit in.

today, i've learned that i don't want to fit in anymore.

today, i've learned what it feels like to be detatched.

and it feels good.

gatorade please

so today i woke up feeling all fresh and ready for school, even though yesterday i woke up with a fever and stayed in bed all day watching saving private ryan and the black parade is dead! and being catered to my every whim. so i was able to make it through the picture taking. thank god pe is first period. but i didnt even make it to the end of 1st period. i feel like a wimp i couldnt hold out much longer. so i got home, watched a tv special on the discovery channel bout some guy that became possesed or something like that, but the weird thing is that i was freezing so much even though i had a sweater, some nice fuzzy pants and this weird thick warm socks you'd think only a pregnant lady would wear. mom made clam chowder! yummy. wahhhh, earlier my hands were shaking soo much. it wasn't even funny. i tried to do some plucking exercises for the guitar and i couldn't even pluck any of the right strings. but i ended up blaming that the strings are too close together. dad bought me gatorade though. i don't really like drinking it when i'm sick cuz it turns my spit all red. yuck. enough about my day, how was yours?

shizazz

today was totally ... lazy. so for most of the day, i've been playing the sims 2. it's my new addiction. -_- but on the bright side frances made pancakes and mom brought home the bacon! like...seriously, she did bring home bacon. maybe about 30 minutes ago from posting this up, bear, my frucking adorable little dog ate some ant poisoning my dad left laying around in the kitchen. so that was pretty scary. my mom told me to put some water in a bowl and put in alot of sugar until its all sappy and give it to bear. i didn't see how that was going to help but maybe a little less than 5 minutes later, bear puked. alot. i'm pretty sure he's okay now since there were little bits of ant poisoning around in the puke. and woohoo for me, my throat hurts so much is hurts even to swallow my own spit. i want some pasta right now......but i think we're going out for some korean food...later

it's one of those bad days

school is as normal as can be. morrissey making us laugh, taylor being sarcastically nice and saint clair being the most clueless thing a substitute can be. i drew all over my hand today though, something i normally wouldn't do. i don't know what compelled me to, i'd usually think i would get skin cancer. but i didn't care. i just didn't care.

after school at home was the worst thing that's happened to my family in months. nobody died, or is dying, but something was. our hope for a certain half-sister of mine. we've always tried to look on the bright side for her. my dad being the least phased of course, she isn't his real daughter anyway. my mom was hit the hardest, crying as if everyone she knew suddenly died. i feel bad for my mom, she's never lost hope for my sister, ever. even when i lost complete faith in my sister, my mom kept hoping that she would start to straighten out her life.

i just want to call my sister and when she picks up, i want to say, "i've always been hopeful of you, but not as much as mom. today, i've lost that hope and now i hate you."